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I know this valentines day the emphasis is on the male to be on his best behavior, be a prince charming..blah blah blah.

Hence I offer

CrazyDaves guide to men for women on valentines

Girls, the man in you life dressed up , even washed away the toe jam for you on that special day, and you are thinking to yourself, what sweet romantic thing can I do for him in return ... use your head

We are men, we cannot help stare back when your boobs catch our eye, tell THEM to stop.

Yes we all think we are gods gift to women, indulge us there are rewards ( or there should be guys! )

Moan and gyrate , we don't care if you are faking it ( besides we all think you say you are faking it more then you are anyway )

In general we don't like the word cute in certain circumstances. Yummy however is fine, **** that's huge ( again indulge us ) has the natural effect of five viagra

We are little boys and bruise easily despite our shell, handle with care, and remind us gently to do the same

If we are home every night , we ain't fooling around, what says I love you better?

Yes we have stupid friends, so do you and they are all drama queens.

Be direct with us, we are rarely subtle creatures, we can't scratch your itch if you won't tell us where to put the scratcher

Yes we care about your happiness, it's your changing the definition of your happiness every five minutes we hate..stop it, please!

If we can find time to bleed for you changing an unsafe part on your minivan, do you think you could find time to shave your legs?

We like sexy clothes, we are happy when you wear them, even happier when you seduce us in them.. yeah it's childish, we are children..spank us.

We will die for you , but none of you should have to die at our hands, get out of an abusive relationship...NOW!

We think you are crazy, yeah I know you feel the same.

We find that when we find the right woman, things work out very well, and if it ain't broken for the two of you, then leave it alone.

These are just guidelines, there are many more for both sexes, we all use what we need and leave the rest alone.
 

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My advice for the ladies regarding valentines's day. Either give us a blow job, poontang, or a day entirely to ourselves with no expectations.

Oh, and happy valentines day. Hope you like the chocolate or flowers that you ended up with because we couldn't think of anything else that could possibly end up with us getting laid.

Don't act surprised. We've got a one-track-gutter for brains.
 
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